Mark Twain

Table of contents

1 (1835 - 1910) 1.1 Attributed 1.2 Courage 1.3 Facts 1.4 Honesty 1.5 Humility 1.6 Humor 1.7 Truth

(1835 - 1910)

Attributed

• "A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain."

• "Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest."

• "Be respectful to your superiors, if you have any."

• "Denial ain't just a river in Egypt."

• "Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first."

• "Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing."

• "Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example."

• "History does not repeat itself, It rhymes."

• "I have no color prejudices nor caste prejudices nor creed prejudices. All I care to know is that a man is a human being, and that is enough for me; he can't be any worse."

• "I never let my schooling get in the way of my education."

• "In all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane."

• "In religion and politics, people's beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second-hand, and without examination."

• "In the space of one hundred and seventy-six years the Mississippi has shortened itself two hundred and forty-two miles. Therefore ... in the Old Silurian Period the Mississippi River was upward of one million three hundred thousand miles long ... seven hundred and forty-two years from now the Mississippi will be only a mile and three-quarters long. ... There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesome returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact."

• "It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress."

• "It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt."

• "It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog."

• "Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry."

• "Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow."

• "None but the dead have free speech."

• "October. This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks in. The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August, and February."

• "Only presidents, editors and people with tapeworm have the right to use the editorial 'we'."

• "Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very'; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be."

• "Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself."

• "The citizen who sees his society's democratic clothes being worn out and does not cry out is not a patriot but a traitor."

• "There are many humorous things in the world; among them, the white man's notion that he is less savage than the other savages."

• "They did not know it was impossible, so they did it!"

• "They spell it 'da Vinci' and pronounce it 'da Vinchy.' Foreigners always spell better than they pronounce."

• "Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect."

• "Every generalization is dangerous, especially this one."

• "Writing is easy. All you have to do is cross out all the wrong words."

• "The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them."

• "The difference between the right word and the nearly right word is the same as that between lightning and the lightning bug."

• "The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter — 'tis the difference between the lightning-bug and the lightning."

• "Whiskey is for drinking. Water is for fighting over."